HIM: Not to Chew! A waste of useful energy with no reward except for ingesting some tasty chemical like Xylitol. Could implicate you of murder too, just ask Aaron Hernandez of the Pats!
HER: Chew it! It’s just like exercise but instead of getting smelly and in shape, you get great breath And you get the crap outta your teeth!
HIM: Not Needed. Feels posh to say you have one, but you’ll never even look at it more than the one time you try show it off and FAIL because you wont be able get it to light!
HER: Too Much Work. Fireplaces are like boats. Nice to have a friend that owns one!
HIM: Sneak It! Always save $ if possible, but do it without her noticing if you want a shot at getting to 1st base!
HER: Nope! Unless we’ve had a PPFDCD (positive pre first date coupon discussion) Dude better be paying full price!
HIM: Rather Not! I’ve never heard anyone say “The smellier your #2 is, the better it is for you”, so I doubt a smelly #1 is good either!
HER: Worth It! Guaranteed to make your bathroom experience hilarious, if it wasn’t already.
HIM: Wear them! Just the perfect amount of coverage. Your shins can be free while protecting those oh so delicate ankles!
HER: Wear them! The tan lines they give you automatically makes you look sporty!
HIM: SKIP IT! One too many rear end shots of Matt Damon & Michael Douglas for it to be enjoyable. Despite all the ASS, this flick was still incredibly mundane.
HER: Skip it. Felt really long. Although there are a lot of Matt Damon booty shots, the plastic surgery closeups haunted my nightmares. Yuck.
HIM: See it! Awesome Southern accents & Reese Witherspoon is kind of sexy in a White Trash kind of way.
HER: See it. 2 things are to be expected when you see a Matthew McConaughey movie; great abs, great accent. “Alright, alright, alright!”